


A love like Woe

by Winteriron99



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes & Winter Soldier are Different Personalities, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Slow Burn, not cannon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-09-20 08:45:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17019492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winteriron99/pseuds/Winteriron99
Summary: A non civil war compliant fic,After a long day of meetings the Avengers get surprised by The Winter Soldier appearing on their doorstep. Steve is thrilled of course to see his long lost friend come home but it's not a happy reunion exactly. Barnes has come for one reason, to finish his mission and terminate the captain. It's clear to nearly everyone that he needs to be put down until Tony steps in and manages to knock him out. It's a long trial and error while he works with the soldier to fix his mind and get him back into being as much of a normal person as possible.It'll be a slow burn sadly and this is my first real fic so I appreciate any comments/advice I may be able to get <3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys so much for deciding to read <3 If you make it through I appreciate it. I'm not sure yet how often I'll update since work during the week usually kicks my ass since I have twelve hour shifts every day but I'll do my best to get chapters out whenever possible. Hope you enjoy it!

The team was milling around in the common room, Nat and Tony drinking glasses of whiskey and vodka while the rest were sat in the seats across from the television and watching some action movie that the mechanic and assassin didn’t care for in the least. It had been a long, 13 hour day full of meetings with Fury and different members of the senate to go over past missions they had had. The one most spoken about was the case of the Winter Soldier almost two years prior that Washington was still recovering from with the destruction that had followed. No one had seen the soldier, better known as Bucky Barnes since the episode but Steve still spoke out on his behalf and claimed he had pulled him from the river. Everyone else had trouble believing it, The Soldier would have had no reason to save him since he was the mission after all. Either way, Steve had spoken on behalf of Barnes and while the others disagreed they would play along. Barnes was nowhere to be found after all, he was still just a ghost story in the worlds mind other then the few pictures that had been snapped. The meeting also consisted of talking about the alien attack on Earth, though they had skirted past that since everyone agreed it wasn’t something the Avengers could have seen coming or prevented before it happened and of course the Sokovia incident with Ultron. Tony and Bruce had ended up taking the blame for that just to get the meeting over with, they didn’t have many consequences other then being not allowed to make more robots such as him. Tony was still allowed to keep his AI’s after making a public apology for the recent event. He hadn’t had any issue with it, already blaming himself for what had happened and the casualties that had been the result of the fight.

“Sir,” Fridays voice cut through the soft chatter. The unease in the AI’s tone was unnatural and made everyone stop and stare up, pausing their movie and drinking. “We have an unexpected visitor climbing up the sides of the tower. It appears Sergeant Barnes is here, he look as if he’s been compromised once more.” 

“He’s… what? Friday did you say he’s climbing up the tower?”

“Yes sir. He has tools allowing him to do so.”  
“Tony.” Steves voice rang out, Icy blues staring at the mechanic. “We have to get him in, we have to help him. He can’t… I can’t let him get taken back again. Friday, Where’s Bucky right now?” Steve even sounded excited even though they knew it wasn’t Bucky precisely that was coming. They knew they were facing a threat, or at least they assumed since Barnes likely wouldn’t be climbing up the side of the damned tower if he was in the right frame of mind.

“He seems to be on the 32’nd floor right now Captain Rodgers, circling around to what looks like your room.” The room fell into a stony silence at the admission, Steves eyes were narrowed but he headed for the stairway anyways. Tony followed close after, as did the others.  
“Cap. Don’t do this… He’s dangerous, you know that. Let us deal with him.” Tony said, flexing and grunting softly as his suit flew onto him. Thank god those implants still worked, he would have to start designing something for easier access to the suit soon though. There wasn’t always time to wait for it to come to him. As much as Tony disliked Steve, he was family. All of the Avengers were, they stayed and took care of each other and the world no matter how many fights broke out through the days. They all understood the idea, they knew how much Barnes meant to Steve but they couldn’t let him face the Soldier again. It was a suicide trip if he didn’t have back up. Tony was the only one suited up but the others had their weapons at least. None of them ever went without something anymore, even at the tower. Their work didn’t give any breaks and their home had been under attack plenty of times already. It just wasn’t worth it and it was certainly proving to be a handy tactic now as they flew into Steves hall and then bedroom. 

 

It was surprisingly plain, he hadn’t decorated at all other then a few old pictures thrown onto the mirror and a stray punching bag in the corner. Tony scowled in its direction, they had the gym floor for a reason but he didn’t say anything about it. If Cap wanted to work out in isolation so be it, as long as he didn’t break the wall or ceiling or anything. They inched close to the window, not seeing Barnes yet as they looked out. Nat held them back from going too close, knowing the Soldiers tactics better than anyone. They were lucky no one had been shot yet but if he was clinging to the ledge outside it would be difficult to aim a gun. It could be done though, Natasha knew that better than anyone of them. She stepped forward, gripping the handle of her taser. If anything /MIGHT/ work against Barnes she knew it was electricity if it hit the right spot. That was how Hydra fried their minds, maybe it would at least stun him a little if he dared to come in. Steve had other plans and pushed past her, going right to the window and opening it.  
“Buck?” He called out, jerking back as Tony yanked him out of the way just before a heavy metal fist slammed up, right where Steves head had been moments before. He heard Tony practically hissing out a curse at him before he was thrown to the back of the room, out of harms way for the moment while Stark flew out the window. 

“Hey, Robocop! What’s the issue breaking my stuff?” Tony flew down, gripping onto Barnes jacket tightly and yanking him away from the window. He hissed with surprise at the weight of the hits landing on him, his breath catching when Barnes found the reactor and slammed down. Tony thanked whatever god was actually out there that it didn’t break, they were too far from the ground for a malfunction of that sort. Barnes glared and Tony shivered from the cold, almost dead look the Soldier carried in his eyes. It was like he didn’t have any feelings at all and honestly it almost scared Tony. He jerked away when the Soldier aimed another hit at his faceplate, gasping in the cold air as the metal dented and popped off. He quickly readied his repulsor, aiming a blast at Barnes chest. It was more powerful then he normally used and it left a good sized hold in the jacket, showing the burn that was already beginning to heal on Barnes. Looked like the Soldier had fast healing as well. Good, it would come in handy for the next blast. Tony didn’t jerk back in time for the next hit and he grunted loudly as he felt the crack of the bone in his nose, the warmth of the blood dripping down over his lip. He narrowed his eyes, letting go of the Soldier and swooping down until he could catch him, metal wrapping around the soldiers neck as Tony caught him in a choke hold. He winced as he heard the choking noises but didn’t let go, he couldn’t for one and two this was likely the easiest way to get the Soldier into a cell.He glanced up, seeing the others staring out the broken window. Steve looked horrified but the others looked somewhat impressed at least, hell Tony himself was impressed with himself and catching the soldier like this. No matter how good someones’ training was, no one could fight very well when they were being flown around in a choke hold. 

It took Barnes a long while before he fell limp in Tonys grip and he shifted, taking the pressure off of the mans throat. He flew up, going back in through Steves broken window and dragging Barnes towards the door.  
“Tony? Where are you taking him?” Steves voice cut through. Tony had never heard him so shaken before, not that he could blame him. Tony had been shaken when Obidiah had turned and tried to kill him as well. “He isn’t Barnes Steve, he needs to be contained and until SHIELD or /SOMEONE/ gets here to take him he’s going to the cells downstairs. They’re all hulk proof, meaning they should be super soldier proof as well. Got it Capsickle? You can sit outside and oggle him all you want but that’ll only make him more violent I assume since it’s /you/ he’s trying to kill.” Tony snapped, he was tired, sore and honestly he just wanted another drink and a shower before he would go to bed to try and get at least an hour of sleep. Steve stayed quiet after that, only offering a small nod. Tony once more noted that he looked lost, broken. He pushed it away though, knowing Steve would get over it or at least hoping so. Barnes wasn’t the same. He wasn’t a member of Steves family. He was a completely different man who only carries Bucky Barnes face and the sooner he was out of the tower and in someone elses custody the better.

Tony didn’t wait for anyone else to complain as he left the room and easily flew the Soldier down the stairs. He looked peaceful as he lay unconsious in Tonys arm and Stark wondered how often Hydra had let him have a peaceful rest. He couldn’t imagine the Cryostasis being very comfortable and from what Steve had told him when you were pulled out it didn’t really feel like you had gotten any sleep. He shook his thoughts off, his eyes narrowing as he got to the very last floor of the tower and freed his hand just long enough to press his palm to the scanner and open the door to the cell room. He hated that this room was necessary but it was for everyones safety and right now, he was partially glad it existed. Without much grace, he threw Barnes into one of the larger ones, specifically designed for if Bruce hulked out. It would hold him and he would have enough room to move around and stretch out. 

Heading back upstairs after locking the cells door, Tony steeled himself for an argument or a lecture. He rana hand over his face, sighing quietly. Maybe he would get lucky and Steve would still be in too much shock to complain about the ordeal… or maybe he could just go right up to the penthouse level to do whatever he wanted. It was his tower after all and from there he could lock the others out for as long as he needed. He decided on the latter and soon found himself ordering a pizza while staring out over the balcony at the brightly lit city below. Thoughts raced through his mind, the majority of which being about how the Soldier had gotten past the towers security. What Hydra had done to him to get him this far gone, and if it was possible to get the Soldier back into a regular person before one of the more equipped agencies came to take him away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAH I'm so sorry about the wait! Things got busy and then Christmas and just.... bleh life sucks xD Anyways! Hope everyone had a happy new years and a merry Christmas! Likes and comments are appreciated always <3

Something was wrong, he wasn’t home, wasn’t in cryo and certainly wasn’t in the apartment he was supposed to go to after finishing his mission. No Bucky was on warm concrete, his throat ached from both the bruises that were still healing and the thirst that tore through him. He could feel the fatigue rolling over him in waves but refused to succumb again, he wasn’t allowed to rest unless ordered to or unless staying awake was detrimental to his health. He stood, his eyes flashing around the cell closely as he stretched out. There wasn’t much room to walk, but there was room to stretch his arms above his head. The asset was happy for that much of a comfort. The walls and door seemed to be made of some type of glass, vibranium weaved into it. He could feel the power it held as he pressed his hand to one of the walls. He couldn’t spot an exit, there were no clear doors and no windows. He felt more trapped then he had in his old cell, there was no air conditioner running that he could feel and the air in the cell was stale, reeking of dust and whatever else had been in the area before him. The only different type of smell was a faint lingering of what he recalled to be coffee. Part of him wished he could have a cup, but alas he was only allowed small glasses of water whenever it was deemed he needed it. He could feel the other one, the weaker part of him trying to fight to break free from the cell in their head but with a growl he pushed him back. Bucky wasn’t allowed out, the weeks of recalibrations should have taught him that. 

The asset paced the cell, searching for any weak points yet finding none. He could feel a charge in the glass, if the owners decided to while he was leaning against it they could send an electric charge through it. The asset, and his weaker self, hated electricity and the way it usually made them feel. He hated to be locked up, his cryo chamber was a different story, he didn’t mind it in there but in a regular cell like this where he had no clear objective he hated it. His mind would race and flashes of something or other would travel through his mind before disappearing. He was never able to keep the flashes, though he was undoubtedly curious about them. He thought it might be something from the other one, the one he shared this body with. He disliked Bucky, he tried to chat and fight too much. He always complained when the asset followed orders, as if he didn’t know they would get into more trouble if they disobeyed. Compliance was rewarded, even a small bit of disobedience resulted in pain. That was enough to keep him convinced not to act out. He sank down after a while, his head tipping back as he closed his eyes. There was nothing in here, no weak spots. No where he could break through. If his captors were idiotic enough to open the door he would be heading for home soon but for them to have gotten ahead of him like they did he doubted they would be dumb enough to try and enter the cell with him.

How long he had been in there, he had no idea but the Assets stomach wasn’t curling with lack of food, his throat wasn’t like sandpaper so it couldn’t have been that long. He had eaten just a day before being taken out of containment, after being defrosted as the Handlers had said. He could go at least another day without food, unless whoever was holding him now put him back under. He eyed the room outside the cell through the hazy glass, it was distorted slightly like any tank should look but the Asset managed to catch sight of a video camera in the one corner. He tipped his head to the side softly, moving to the side a bit and watching as the camera followed him. He was being tracked by whoever had managed to subdue him, fine. He could work with that, he was used to not having any privacy while awake. He didn’t remember why but his handlers seemed to think he was inclined to escape, he wasn’t allowed he knew that. 

He shook off the voice inside his head, this wasn’t the time for Barnes to come through even if he was close to pushing past the Asset when not wiped for a while. The Asset preferred it after a wipe when things were quiet for days while Barnes tried to recall just who exactly he was. 

“Morning Sunshine,” The Assets head shot up as the door opened and the gravelly voice rang out. He furrowed his brows softly, a rather small man was stood leaning against the doorway on the opposite side of the glass. He had a neat trimmed goatee, torn black sabbath t-shirt and a pair of dull sweatpants. The mans hair was ruffled, presumably from sleep and he held a mug of steaming coffee between his hands. The Asset disliked him already and let it be seen by the way his lip curled up in disgust. 

The man chuckled softly at the look, taking a sip of from his mug. Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, had never encountered someone like The Asset. He had no idea of the mans issues, all he knew so far was that this was the Winter Soldier, the one who had killed his parents and Steves best friend. 

“Not talkative? That’s fine. You’ll be in there for a while, until whatever spell you’re under wears off anyways. Make yourself comfortable, I only have a few questions for you for now.” Tony stepped closer to the glass, eyeing the metal arm with interest. He wanted to take it apart, study how it was made and how such a weapon was developed in the damned fourties but he wouldn’t. Not until the real Barnes was pulled out and able to give his consent to the tests. He walked around, eyeing him from every corner and watching how smoothly the Soldier followed his actions. He was scared, anyone with an untrained eye wouldn’t see it but Tony. Tony knew an act when he saw one, he saw the way the Soldiers eyes narrowed on him, how they roamed and searched for weapons on his person. He was waiting to be hurt, not that Tony could blame him. He was far away from his home, from Hydra and in a cell with a team of superheroes. 

“You can talk you know, you don’t have to be all broody. What do you think this is? A DC movie?”

“They’ll come after you. You took their weapon.” The Assets voice was raspy, uneven as if it hadn’t been used in a long time. But he could speak, that was good to know for future reference. “You said you have questions? I don’t know their plans, i know my mission and my mission is Rodgers.” 

“You don’t know their plans? So you aren’t a top guy over there?” Tony crossed his arms as he spoke, muscles rippling with tension as he watched the cell cautiously. 

The Asset almost laughed at the idea, shaking his head slightly. Matted hair fell in his face and he raised a hand to push it back. “Top guy? No. My handlers are the Rulers, I simply run the missions they give me.”

“Were my parents a mission?” Tony practically snarled now, his eyes flaring with anger. Howard, he could have dealt with Howards death. In fact that had been a blessing but his mother? He had never quite gotten past his mothers death. It still plagued him in his sleep that he hadn’t been able to help her, hadn’t been able to say goodbye at the very least.

The Asset stared at him blankly for a moment before recognition lit his eyes. “Stark, right? You were Howard and Maria’s child?” He paused for a moment before giving a short nod. “Not precisely. I’m not allowed to speak of that mission however, but yes they were killed due to a mission, that’s all I can say and if they find out I said that much they’ll kill me for it.” He finished, a cold tone to his voice as he stared out at the man. 

“Why do you stay there? If you aren’t a big deal then why do you stay? All they use you for is the dirty work, you put yourself in danger for a team of GOD DAMNED nazis.” Tony practically yelled, a hand slamming up against the glass.

The Assets brows shot up as Tony yelled, his lips curling up in an amused smile. “You act as if I had any choice in the matter.” A quiet, dark chuckle escaped him and he shook his head once more. “Stark, Barnes has tried to get us away from there more than once. They /always/ catch us and it gets worse each time, escape is futile. It’s best to comply, to follow orders. It makes things a lot less painful and if we do well enough we even get a bit of food. Do you realize how rare that is?” He tipped his head to the side, slowly walking the few feet to the other end of the cell. 

It sounded too much like Afghanistan for Tony, like being a prisoner all over again. He eyed the arm again cautiously this time. Had Barnes signed up for that? Had he been forced into it like Tony had been forced into the Arc Reactor? He shivered at the idea and leaned back again. “So you’re a prisoner then?” He decided to ask, simply to double check. To make sure what he was hearing was right. 

“I guess so. I’m only allowed out for training and missions, it doesn’t matter. I belong to them, have for seventy years.” The Asset tipped his head and cracked his neck, it seemed he had struck a nerve in the man of iron. It was almost amusing how such a simple conversation could make him twitch. “They don’t let Barnes out, I can hear him every now and then buzzing around in our mind but he’s… rather annoying. They prefer the one they know can stay quiet when it’s needed.” He said with a small shrug. 

“If I let you out are you going to kill anyone? If what you say is true you’ve been in a cell most of your life, you can have a bed. Some real food.” With the offer made to the Soldier Tony backed off a few steps and rested his hands behind his head.

“Do you want the honest answer? Because I still have my orders. If I fail them I need to be recalibrated and that… that is one thing that I refuse to let happen.”

“Got it. I’ll be back with food for you later, for now just… stay here Elsa.” Tony muttered, sending the Soldier a last look before stepping back through the door to go to the Penthouse. He would get a shower and cleaned up, maybe an hour or two of sleep before he came down and gave him some food and water.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The Soldiers words resonated in Tony’s head as he showered and shaved, his heart pounding heavily sending a soft pang through the large arc reactor implanted in his chest. If what he had said was true, Barnes was a prisoner of war. For seventy god damn years now, it sounded like he had been tortured until he listened to the others that were there. He didn’t know much about what Hydra would have done but from what he knew of the Nazi organization, they weren’t exactly nice. He finished cleaning himself off, wiping the left over foam from his chin that his razer had missed. He trimmed down the edges of his goatee before tipping his head to the side to crack his neck, they needed to figure this out and get the Soldier fixed before anything else could go wrong but he didn’t know how to help without even letting him out of the cell. Tony let out a quiet sigh, going out to the kitchen and into the fridge to see what type of lunch meat he had left over from the last time he had actually gone shopping.

It didn’t take more than a few more minutes before he was making his way downstairs, two plates in his hands and a few bottles of water. If he couldn’t let Barnes out he would make damn sure he was comfortable enough until they could get any more information out of him. He sat on the opposite side of the glass after pushing Barnes portion through the small slit in the glass, his eyes narrowed as he watched how the soldier sniffed and carefully tasted it as if to make sure it wasn’t drugged. It opened his eyes as to how he may have been treated even more and he felt his stomach twisting with unease at the idea.

~~~~~~~

Weeks. Three weeks to be exact. Tony had spent at least a portion of every day down there, just sitting with the Soldier until he could pick out the little signs. The smallest hints of attitude, the way he favored his flesh arm, how he would stare at the metal limb with a look of disgust. Those were the signs of when Barnes was starting to push through and now, finally after weeks of working with him, Barnes was showing himself even more. Tony decided to take a risk, having all of the Avengers close by where they could jump out if need be. He opened the cell door, ignoring the look of confusion and fear that crossed the mans face as Tony stepped in. 

“Let’s go Else, we’re going for a walk before you go crazy.” Tony spoke quickly, his arms crossed over his chest. “Either way you’re coming, we can go the easy way or the hard. Though, to be fair the hard way would be /much/ funner for me.” He grinned while Barnes looked uneasy. The soldier stood however and stepped over, ducking his head as he took a small step from the cell. 

“This a trick Stark?” He asked, his eyes dark as they went around the room. Barnes was worried, maybe even scared as he followed the smaller man out of the room he had been in for weeks. While he was frozen a good portion of the time he was with Hydra, when he wasn’t he was almost always on an operating table of some sort or in his chair. Neither of which, were options he ever wanted to go to again. He shivered softly, keeping his head lowered as Tony began to walk to the elevator and he followed after. He was broken, inside and out. The metal arm, the scars surrounding it. They were constant reminders of who he really belonged to, who had helped him to survive. Who had kept him from dying even when it was all he had wanted. He could still remember the first time he had woken up in their clutches after falling from the train. Most of his older memories were foggy, he expected they could program what he remembered and what he didn’t when he was put in the chair though over enough time everything would come back. Mostly though, he was left with memories of pain and fear. Of times when he had acted out, not been their perfect weapon and gotten hurt for it. 

“Where we going?” Barnes’ voice was quiet, his eyes narrowed as he hung back a bit. Waiting, waiting to see if he would be hit for the simple act of speaking. Tony however, simply stopped walking and glanced back. “To…. My level? So you can have some breakfast out of the cell and we can see how you do. If this goes well you can have your own floor, it’ll be more locked down then the others of course but you’ll have more freedom then before.”

Bucky gave a short nod, his muscles relaxing softly. “Sounds good.. Thank you. You don’t have to do this you know.”

“I know, but you’re Steves friend. He’ll probably use his shield to cut my head off if I don’t even try to help you even more.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter! I've had major writers block and I've been ten times busier since I got a new kitten (ironically named after tony stark lmao), Hope you guys enjoy!

It had been about a week of constant supervision, hour long trips down to the cell and hearing of the horrors that Hydra had done to the poor soul in front of him before both Tony and Bucky were comfortable with him coming out of the cell. They had agreed on it just being for an hour, let the Soldier explore a little and clean himself up with a shower. Tony was happy, of course, when the real Bucky started to show up more. It was always clear when he was in more control whether it be seen by the small lilt to his voice where his accent came out more, or the rare smile that would cross his face, or even the way his eyes would shine when Tony would come down to chat and bring some lunch or dinner. They had purposefully waited until one of those times when the Soldier simmered down enough to let Bucky out of the mental cage Hydra had created for him.

“You sure about this Stark?” Buckys voice was quiet, timid and Tony just barely caught the soft tensing of the mans muscles. He vaguely remembered the day prior when Barnes had admitted that they had hit him for talking out of turn, or asking simple questions simply because he wasn’t to be viewed as anything but an object. Tonys’ eyes softened and he stepped out of the doorframe, making a wide motion with his arms to tell the other to step out. 

“C’mon Elsa, it’ll be fine. You’re fine. You don’t deserve to be cooped up for what happened when you were under them.” Tony’s voice was a soft, gentle murmur and his lips curled up in a soft smile. “You’re ready. And if not, if something goes wrong, my watch will form into a gauntlet until I can get the suit, shouldn’t be too hard to wrestle you back into the cell after that.” He caught the uneasy look but after a few seconds practically beamed when Bucky stepped out of the cell. His muscles relaxed slowly as he let the other wander around the room, looking at the few paintings that hung and even the controls to the cell. 

“It’s so…”

“Advanced? Yeah I know.” Tony smirked as he answered Barnes, crossing his arms over his chest smugly. The entire tower, including the cells of course, had the most advanced technology and security created by him personally.

“Not advanced… I could hack it in maybe three minutes if I needed to. It seems pretty simple actually.” Buck muttered, slightly distracted as his fingers ran over some of the controls. He had been trained in weapons and electronics like this, he had needed to hack things plenty of times before though it had been more of Natalias specialty when she had been working for them. 

“Is that so? I’d like to see you try.” Tony scoffed, nearly letting out a snort of amusement. Like hell anyone could hack his tech since he had updated, even Fury couldn’t anymore! Not since years prior when he had managed to take JARVIS down for a while. He decided to let the soldier roam for a little while longer upon seeing the concentration on his face while he looked at each small detail. Why he was doing this exactly, he wasn’t sure. Sure, Barnes didn’t deserve what had happened to him and none of what Hydra had forced him to do was his fault but…. He still had blood on his hands. He had still murdered Tony’s parents in cold blood while under orders and even worse, had made his mothers death rather slow. 

“You need to upgrade some of it. It looks good but to a trained eye it would only take a little while. All electronics would need to be updated at least once a week in order to keep anyone from figuring the algorithm.” Bucky stated, shaking his head softly. “You get too cocky over your work Stark, that’s your problem.” He shifted his weight softly, his jaw tightening as his head lifted a bit. He didn’t know if he had gone too far but he decided to change the subject anyways to cool any tensions he may have made.

“You said I could get cleaned up.” 

“Yeah, let’s go Elsa. If you’re still good then you can eat upstairs too before coming back down. Maybe I’ll even have Happy pick up some more Burger King for us.” Tony shared a rare smile of his own at the way Bucky lit up, they both shared a love for the fast food place and Barnes had told him himself that it was one of his favorites after the food that he had been given since coming to the tower.


	5. Chapter 5

“Stevie, you don’t get it.” Buckys voice rang out over the quiet peace of the Penthouse, his tone guarded with just the softest hint of irritation laced in it. “I’m not the same, I changed. It isn’t my fault you want me to be the same as I was back then.” The man swallowed, staring at the other from across the barrier Tony had set up. It was the first time he had been allowed to speak to the others in the tower and of course he had asked to talk to Steve first, with the extra protection in case the Soldier started acting up around his mission. So far, so good however. He took a deep breath seeing Steves own frustration before looking down. 

“Buck… you’re in there somewhere, the longer you’re here… I mean, I can see the real you wanting to come out.” Steve spoke gently though insistently, ocean blue eyes sparkling under the rooms fluorescent lighting. He glanced back to where Tony was hovering, keeping an observation of the conversation but the man had his face hidden carefully behind a pile of papers. He was able to see Bucky and hear the conversation but he wasn’t able to observe Steve, not that Tony would want to anyways. Just from hearing their conversation the billionare wanted to punch the Captain right in his damned perfect teeth. 

“Steve…. Damn it why can’t you realize that this is me? Honestly, do you truly believe for one second that I can be the same? I can put on an act. Sure, that’s easy enough. I know enough about before for that but do you really want to force me to act every time I’m around you?” Buckys voice was pained, more pained then Tony had heard it in the weeks since he had come here and the genius felt a stab of sympathy for him, his head lowering a bit as he kept scribbling signatures on the papers that Pepper had given him to fill out. Why was this hard for him? He was only there to be an observer, not to get involved.

“Why are you doing this Buck? You’re acting like a completely different person! I know you aren’t going to be completely the same but..”

“But what Stevie? You expected me to be the same as that kid that saved your ass every day? You expectin’ me to be perfect right off the bat? I ain’t Stevie. This is me. I still have a lot of healing to do but I’m never going to be the same… Please… please just realize that. Stop making this harder than it should be, you’re my friend. My best pal. But… I will get rid of ya if you push it. I can’t heal if you start breathin down my back.” Bucky lowered his head, sighing softly. Warm breath fogged up the glass in front of him and he let his eyes slide closed. He could do this… it wasn’t that much longer until Steve would leave and Bucky would have his meal and return to his cell. He just had to remember that and trudge through this conversation that kept bringing up painful memories for him. He shook his head when Steve looked ready to argue again before watching as the blond stood, hands shoved into jeans pockets.

“Alright Buck… I’ll come back to chat soon ok? Just… Hang in there, I’m sure whatever they did to ya will fade away soon.” Steve said, giving his old friend another look before turning and walking back into the elevator. He hated leaving him there but he knew they didn’t have much of a choice, Stark alone would be in his suit in seconds flat if he tried anything and he could tell when Buck was uncomfortable. He would come around and be back to himself soon enough anyways right? 

When Steve left, Bucky let out a sigh of relief and Tony hit a button on the edge of his desk that had the glass retracting into the walls. The billionare stepped up, his eyes worried as he went and rested a hand on Buckys shoulder. Risky move Stark, but he wasn’t going to just sit there while the other was obviously hurting. He hummed softly, pulling a seat up next to the other before sitting and leaning his arms up on his knees carefully, making sure that the Reactor wasn’t being pressed down on.

“Steve’s too stubborn to admit that he’s wrong. You know as well as I do what he can be like. Don’t pay it any mind Barnes, he’ll come around eventually.” Tonys’ tone was soft, careful and delicate as he stared at the other. He watched the way the others jaw ticked, the coarse hair in the makeshift beards movements and the way the others head ducked down just a tiny bit. He felt a rush of warmth go through him and, strangely enough, a wave of protectiveness. Barnes had been hurt for the past seventy years at least, he didn’t deserve anymore much less from someone who was supposed to be his friend. 

“You went through a traumatic experience, longer and worse than anyone else has ever been through probably. You’re right in saying you’ll never be the same because you won’t. You’ll heal, as much as is possible and learn to push everything down and out of the way but you’ll never be the same as you were before you were captured, hell you won’t be the same as before the war since I’m sure that took a fuckin toll on ya. But you’re here. Home, and even if it doesn’t look like it yet you’re part of this makeshift family. It ain’t ideal but you’re home.” Tony looked into Barnes’ eyes as he spoke, noting that the stormy greys were dull and held a rather hopeless look that Tony didn’t like on anyone. He pushed his hair back before sitting back, letting the reactors light shine brightly between the two. 

“See this? It’s from my own trauma, back before I was Iron Man, I was a weapons dealer. Didn’t pay attention to where they went. Only cared for the money. Went to Afghanistan on a tour, bunch of... “ He paused, swallowing past the lump in his throat. He hadn’t told anyone but Bruce about what had happened in Afghanistan while he was trapped and Bruce hadn’t even been awake to see his breakdown during it. “Bunch of young soldiers, practically kids died protecting me. I got out of the truck before it was blown to smithereens and ran, tried to get away. Next thing I know? Stark industry pod is landing next to me. Blew up, i got shrapnel torn into my chest. I woke up in a cave, half my chest cut open and being carved out while a prototype of this was made. Worst pain I ever felt till they knocked me back out with chloroform… Guy who did the surgery, Yinsen. He was a good man, better than I ever was. He risked his life to help me build the first Iron Man suit and he died before I could get us both out. Sobered me up pretty good. He told me not to waste my life. Guess what? I’m good at acting like I was back then, I can play the part but it isn’t me. This? This right here is me. No matter what the trauma is, no one ever goes back to being how they were originally.” Tonys voice was somber as he spoke, his eyes narrowed softly on the other. He thought for a split second that he saw a wet glistening to his eyes before it was gone. He stood, getting ready to go and make them some food when the soft voice made him pause.

“Thank you… Tony, thank you. I don’t deserve any of this. The food, the safety. Nothing, really. I’m a monster, I was made into a monster to complete their tasks and that’s always going to be a part of me but… God… I don’t get how he doesn’t realize… He stayed the same for the most part but… I’ve been a prisoner for over half my life. How does he not realize that’s going to leave me a changed person?” Bucky didn’t lift his gaze to meet Tony’s, which the other was used to but this seemed to be from emotion rather then the small fear of being hurt again. Tony’s eyes softened a bit and he gave a short nod, squeezing Buckys shoulder as he passed. 

“Why don’t you stay up here tonight? Use the spare room again?” Tony asked gently. He didn’t want to throw him back in the cell after that. It was safer but Barnes was going to have to start being treated as something other than a partial prisoner soon and Tony had enough trust in him to not try to smother him in his sleep. 

Bucky nodded softly and his lips pulled up in a rare smile that wasn’t seen often. “Yeah… yeah that sounds nice. Thank you.”

“Stop thanking me, it’s called being a decent human being.” Tony sent another smile back at him before leading him over into the kitchen and grabbing some things in the fridge he had stored just in case. Some potato salad and cold wraps in a plastic wrapper. Grabbing some bowls, Tony dished out the potato salad, wrinkling his nose softly at how it looked but he knew it was damn delicious if not the prettiest and tossed Buck one of the wraps carefully. 

The two ate in relative silence and afterwards Bucky wanted to go right to his room, exausted from the events of the day. Tomorrow was another day to try something else and Tony was already thinking of things they could do to try and help the other even more then what they were already doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SLOWLY STARTING VVVERGESWEGBTRFDSVGBTFREDSGFNYTRF   
> God I'm excited for how this is starting to turn out and I really hope y'all like it as well <3


	6. chapter 6

As days passed, both Bucky and Tony grew closer as friends. Bucky wasn’t considered a prisoner anymore, he was in control of himself and the soldier and he stayed up in the spare room on the penthouse level. Close enough that Tony could get to him easily but far enough away that he had his own space, and Bucky was loving it. He was found out on the balcony at least once a day, just watching the people below or having a smoke though no one knew where he was getting them or the money for them from. Today though, today Tony found him perched up on top of the fridge eating a plum.   
“What you doing up there Barnes?....” Tony called up, scratching the back of his head as he pushed the others feet out of the way and ope ed the fridge, grabbing some fruit cups to eat. 

“Dunno… just wanted to be here i guess.” Bucky shrugged, arching a brow as his legs were moved though he said nothing and let them fall back once the door was closed again. He stared at Tony closely, stormy blues simmering. He didn’t deserve any of what Stark was giving him, he didn’t deserve to even be in the same room as him. Howard had been his friend during his army days, the two could often have been found chatting or working on something or other before Buck and his troop got sent out but he had….

The memory hit him hard, making him freeze and shudder in real time. Extraction, it was an extraction mission. No witnesses. Howard and Maria would still be alive if they had stopped, gotten out of the car… The revving of his bike as he raced down the empty street, the sickening crunch of metal as the bike swerved in front and Howard swerved into a tree to avoid hitting him… Buckys breathing picked up, his eyes staring at tony though not seeing him. He was stuck, remembering how they had both been alive. How Howard had remembered him, had called out for him.. How helpless he had been to the Soldiers reign. 

“Tony..” He rasped out as he came too, his eyes wide ad his arms wrapped tightly around himself. He shook his head, a low strangled sound escaping as he jumped off the fridge, plum squashed between his hand. “I can’t stay here… I can’t…” 

“What do you mean Buck? Of course you can… I told you this is my home.” Tony frowned, gently grabbing the others flesh arm. He needed him to know he was ok, to know that nothing would hurt him. He felt a small lump growing in his throat as the other shook his head helplessly.

“I can’t…. I… God…. I’m sorry Tones… it… it’s my fault.” Bucky shuddered unhappily, feeling the soldier prying at his mind, fighting for control before Buck could spill any of Hydras secrets. “I killed them, your parents.” He breathed out, feeling a wave of remorse washing over him.

Tony paused, bile rising in his throat at that. Barnes…. No, the Soldier had killed his mum.. Howard… He stepped back, shaking his head a bit. “Barnes…. shit …. I just…. I need some air. You don’t have to leave, please. Stay. We need to talk about this..”


End file.
